maifira

Not at all. The only pple I know who went to cancun went to the doc and have clean bills of health. Seeing that im not stressing the whole Swine flu thing.

It not just one book its a series. The Anita Blake Series by Llaruel K. Hamilton. Unlike Anne Rice, She develops the characters with every book. Each character grows and changes with the story as well with each other. After 2 books the reader is hooked. I have read each book at least twice. Its a must read.

Chronotrigger and the Final Fantasies .. Hands down my favorite games of all time

I personally try really hard to not tell anyone my problems, I am a very private person. So if I had to pick someone to tell my problems to I would tell my Best Friend. She is the only one I trust  enough to tell my problems to. So I would choose her cause it would be the easiest.

Things are never as they seem. No one is ever totally honest with the world. Every single person hides behind something, be it "Love", lies, hatred... any number of things. Its one of those things that you really have to look at and try to understand. The thing is because so many people do it and we all expect it, it turned into a norm so one one bothers to question it anymore. The only time it is question is well someone isn't completely hiding. When they are bared to the world. When their very soul is exposed and it is a good thing but the thing is its never a good thing. It is such hard thing to behold because for some reason we are taught to destroy these individuals for the amusement of ourselves and others. Its a sad sad thing. What is worse as much as we chose to defend this open heart and beautiful souls... We are all guilty of destroying at least one soul in our life. Its the human condition as we created it.

The human condition. It has turned into the thing of horror movies. We are all desensitized raising more desensitized children.. I can understand why some of us are so disgustingly horrible to others. It is the norm. When will we actually and truly fight the norm. When will we shelter our children so that when they become the adults that run the world they can be more humane then we are now. Where is the Innocence we all deserved. When will our rampant disdain for the human condition come to a radical end?

I never understood when i heard adults used to talk about how my generation being numb and desensitized. Then one day I noticed the children from my gen. Its broken into 2 sets. Those of us who think like me and shelter the children and those who don't. It is a sight to see. We all need to find the middle ground. Allow the child to play and learn, but keep the world we grew up in away. Children shouldn't have to get used to violence and hatred. They should be upset and scared by it.

My mood is reflective ... but that's not an option lol

I am beginning to realize that life is harder yet easier then expected. When you have the right people around you things get easier.. My sister introduced me to a friend a while ago and well we recently started hanging out again.. And it was so much fun ... I went dancing (for those who know me and read these Yes I actually danced and had fun).. I have done more growing up and changing in the last few days then I thought possible... It all started with a very simple saying....

"You can't take on other people's stuff(clean version)"

You can help them by saying "well I would do ...." but by telling them "you should....." does not help..

I also started to deal with my emo stuff... I learned that I am a very logical person .. I always stuffed my emo stuff under layers upon layers of logic .... I used to have a balance but that all changed ... The person who helped me deal with my emo stuff no longer talks to me ...... so I'm learning to deal on my own ..... funny enough I helped him be a little more logical now he is a big ass emo ... I hope he learns to use what he learned a long time ago in the forgotten time to help him deal with his emo.

I have been through a lot in the short time I been alive .. Funny enough I think most people who live in big cities or near big cities go through more then they should at such young ages. It sucks but it helps you out in the long run .. it helps make you stronger.

I also realized i was changing to please other people and not myself .. If you wanna change change what you feel needs to change .. But don't change to make other people happy.. you may think it will make you happy all it does really is make you even more unhappy .. It starts to grate on your last nerves.. You realize that things seem to be harder and harder and harder to enjoy.. I was heading down that road and I had to stop and look at what I was doing .. Changing is fine .. Changing to please other people is another.. I was starting to do that and it was not a good feeling..

It is so interesting what you learn when your friends make you cry (not purposely). I learned enough to know that I have been doing a lot of things for all the wrong reasons ... I learned my lesson and now and rectifying (man that word always sounded painful) things .. I hope the friends I have can handle the change if not then they can walk .. Its high time I make me happy. I deserve it .. We all deserve to be happy ...

Well i have been talking long enough so

Always and Forever
Maifira

 19 Mar 07 Monday
   

life part 2

My mood is reflective ... but thats not an option lol

I am beginning to realize that life is harder yet easier then expected. When you have the right people around you things get easier.. My sister introduced me to a friend a while ago and well we recently started hanging out again.. And it was so much fun ... I went danceing (for those who know me and read these Yes I actually danced and had fun).. I have done more growing up and changeing in the last few days then I thought possible... It all started with a very simple saying....

"You can't take on other people's stuff(clean version)"

You can help them by saying "well I would do ...." but by telling them "you should....." does not help..

I also started to deal with my emo stuff... I learned that I am a very logical person .. I always stuffed my emo stuff under layers upon layers of logic .... I used to have a balance but that all changed ... The person who helped me deal with my emo stuff no longer talks to me ...... so I'm learning to deal on my own ..... funny enough I helped him be a lil more logical now he is a big ass emo ... I hope he learns to use what he learned a long time ago in the forgotten time to help him deal with his emo.

I have been through alot in the short time I been alive .. Funny enough I think most people who live in big cities or near big cities go through more then they should at such young ages. It sucks but it helps you out in the long run .. it helps make you stronger.

I also realized i was dchanging to plese other people and not myself .. If you wanna change change what you feel needs to change .. But don't change to make other people happy.. you may think it will make you happy all it does really is make you even more unhappy .. It starts to grate on your last nerves.. You realize that things seem to be harder and harder and harder to enjoy.. I was heading down that road and I had to stop and look at what I was doing .. Changing is fine .. Changing to please other people is another.. I wa starting to do that and it was not a good feeling..

It is so interesting what you learn when your friends make you cry (not purposely). I learned enough to know that I have been doing alot of things for all the wrong reasons ... I learned my lesson and now and rectifiying (man that word always soundinded painful) things .. I hope the firends I have can handle the change if not then they can walk .. Its high time I make me happy. I derserve it .. We all deserve to be happy ...

Well i have been talking long enough sooo

Always and Foever
Raven

Things have really changed in my life and most for the better ... and a lot for the worst.. My friends shrank and grew and now has been at a stand still... I really have no comments on that the people who stayed in my lives i expected so .. and the ones who left i expected as much.. I feel better knowing what is happening all around ... being me is very beneficial. Its great to be me .. If you fail to realize I am a great person to have in your life then shove off cause you don't deserve to be in mine.

I live for a new goal in life and prey i can do it. By the god I will have everything I deserve in life.. It all starts with starting this job I really don't want spending a year doing it then doing what I believe I should be doing. For now I'll keep that to myself. I have more to say but I rather not .. most of it needs not to be said..

Always and forever
Maifira

I am one of those people who has a habit of giving advice. Lately I been not giving any at all. I know what is supposed to be and can guide you to that select future, but as the saying goes " You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink." I so know that is true (first hand experience). It irritates the living hell out of me but what can you do. Free will makes us stupid or stubborn or worse ( I'm stubborn as all hell) both. I care a lot about the people in my life but I can't just force them to listen. I won't force them to do the things I know will make then truly happy if they just won't listen. I refuse beat my head against that particular wall anymore. It still pains me though. I know its wrong to help those who don't want it. But how to you stop the voice in your head that tell you to help them anyway. I can't save everyone and it will kill who I am if I try. Hell I still need saving. I know that there are others out there like me. People who try to help no matter what. Hell I know someone who is (without knowing I hope) turning into the one thing they hate cause they are determined to help. I don't want to do that but every instinct in me wants to. To sacrifice my very being to help. But I will not burn my soul that way. I have fought to get out of a depression I WILL NOT go back into that. I earned my right to happy I will not sacrifice like other people. I earned my happy and ill help others and keep my happy. I prey everyday that others who sacrifice their very being to help others stop. Help people fine but don't kill yourself in the process. If you do then what about all the others you could have possible helped. If you sacrifice your very being ur very soul to help all your doing is condemning all the others your meant to help as well as yourself.

Always and Forever
Maifira

A new beginning to an old story

I have been trying to write this blog for over a month and each attempt was futile and lead to places I did not want to share nor will I. But as a Scorpio I am prone to secrets and no I don't mean lies. But that's a whole other bag of worms lol.

Anyway the whole reason for this blog is well things that I have learned and seen and experienced. Okay that sound vague but specific. I have been on this "let them learn" kick for a while now and I have been fighting myself about interfering, and I won't its not how it works. We all learn by experience. I learned many a lesson that I can depart on the people I care most about. I usually do share but as of late certain friends have been getting the hands off approach. I have kept silent and prayed to the heavens that they see what is really going on. Sadly from what I see it is still in the wings waiting to be discovered. I have been sitting on the sidelines and praying that they see it that I won't have to point out what is there. Although I want to do nothing more then to point out the stuff right there in front of them, but I don't.Its a hard fight but a white knight's work is never done.

Its a self-sacrificing road. But a road that all white knight's take as far as I know only 1 other person in my life is a white knight and that person understands the road I have been on. Its a hard road and you end up giving up so much. Hell I have given up more then I have cared to. When the choice arises to be every so slightly selfish I think hard about it and more often then not I chose to not be selfish although I do have my moments. I am not a saint, nor do I want to be. I have said this to the other knight We are not saints it is ok to self indulge once in a blue moon. I just hope my words were heeded...

Always and Forever
Maifira